Week 8 Bro's and Hoe's

England's Rugby World Cup winning-captain Martin Johnson and Chelsea striker Didier Drogba

This may seem a bit rushed - mainly because it is. It's time for me to go get drunk in Albany for Halloween weekend and considering most of my audience will be there and can ask me questions then, this can only be so important.

Let me first start off by saying my Dolphins are employing one of the stupidest men in all of football and it is absolutely astounding that a man can make it this far in life and be this rich while lacking what I consider to be very basic human knowledge. During an interview this week, Channing Crowder, the Dolphins now-starting middle linebacker claimed that once he landed in London he, for the first time, realized that people in England speak English! Yes, English folks, it's only in the name of the country. Did you not attend a single U.S history class or even go to school for one day in your life? But hold on, it didn't end there. To quote Crowder, "I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries. I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I know London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name."

Take a minute. Just think about how many things are wrong with that statement. There is nothing further to be said here - he embarrassed himself enough.

Now onto my Week 8 Picks...

BRO's
Kevin Jones - he's got the gig all to himself and the Bears D has been shaky
Bernard Berrian/Desmond Clark/Greg Olsen - It almost looked as if Griese showed something at the end of last week, let it continue against Detroit
Any and all Steelers - it is Cinci's D after all; even Hines Ward will make a cameo
Lendale White - the guy just has a knack for finding the end zone
Vince Young - can he disprove the Madden curse? Please let it end
All Rams skill positions (even Drew Bennet) - the Browns D should be ashamed of itself; welcome back Steven Jackson!
Brandon Jacobs - Dolphins are worst in the league against the rush; here's to hoping Jacobs knocks some sense into Crowder
Eli/Plaxico/Toomer - when you sign Lance Shulters to start at safety based on the fact that he already has a passport, it's not good
Donovan McNabb and Kevin Curtis - Westbrook will get stuffed forcing the Eagles to fly
Purple Jesus - he's just the man
Troy Williamson - someone has to catch the ball; he showed some potential last week to explain why he was drafted in the first round
Kellen Clemens - he'll make it into this game by halftime much to the joy of Jets fans
Coles/Cotchery - Buffalo hasn't really figured out how to play D yet
Thomas Jones - look above; this is also the week he finds the end zone
All Buffalo Bills sans the defense - this will no low scoring affair; without Vilma it will only get worse for the Jets
LDT - the wheels are about to fall off in Houston
Chris Chambers - he knew the offense and he's coming out with a bang
Antonio Gates - having Chambers and Jackson will relieve a lot of his pressure
Kevin Walter - don't know how he does it, but he's been providing great numbers in Andre's absence
Vernon Davis/Ashley Lelie - I love this freak show and Lelie got a vote of confidence from Nolan after his 47 yard catch last week
Deshawyn Wynn - Packers will have to learn how to run teh ball at some point in order to be successful; who better to learn against than the Broncos
MJD and Fred Taylor - Jones-Drew will playand the Jags will be forced to hand-on a ton with Gray as their QB
Reggie Bush - a la Thomas Jones, this is the week he finds the end zone
Joe Addai/Kenton Keith - they'll kill Carolina by enough that both backs will have value
Any and all Patriots (except one) - they will all be here until proven otherwise; I don't care how well the 'Skins D has played this year - this team is a machine

HOE's
Kenny Watson/Rudi Johnson - I doubt Rudi plays and Pitt stuffs the run
Lamont Jordan and co. - Tennessee is tough up front and these backs are not that good
Cleo Lemon - What Osi and Strahan are going to do to this man across the pond is gonna get illegal
Marty Booker/Derek Hagan - hard to complete passes as you're getting sacked
Brian Westbrook - Minny stops the run with ease, the only hope is catching balls out of the backfield
Carson Palmer - just a feeling, maybe he'll have bad memories of Pittsburgh almost ending his career
Ahman Green - not fully healthy and old... not a good combination
Anyone involved in the Jacksonville passing game - it'll be a tough 4 weeks without Garrard
Laurence Maroney - here he is, Washington will get beat over the top
Clinton Portis - He'll take a pounding jsut as every other RB has from the Pats
Santana Moss/Chris Cooley - Moss doesn't get going this week; maybe he'll redeem himself come fantasy playoff time
Brett Favre - Champ is supposed to start and you beat Denver by running
Greg Jennings/Donald Driver - see above
Frank Gore - too nicked up to be effective; maybe the NO D shows up this week
Cedric Benson - he'll always be here regardless of the matchup

Week 8 NFL Picks

Home Team in Bold

St. Louis +3 Cleveland
Chicago -5 Detroit
Indy -7 Carolina
NYG -10 Miami
Oakland +7.5 Tennessee
Minnesota +1 Phili
Pitt -3.5 Cinci
Buffalo +3 NYJ
Sad Diego -9.5 Houston
TB -4 Jax
New Orleans -3 SF
Washington +16.5 NE
Denver -3 GB

Last week: 8-6 (Just missed on two close games: Jets and Minnesota)

Week 7 Bro's and Hoe's

Let me start out by saying that calling out of work at 8:30 when you should be in at 8 is usually frowned upon in corporate America. Further, sending an email to your boss after leaving a voicemail saying that you'll be out and having the wrong email address does not help the previously noted situation. However, going out on a Thursday night, getting hammered, almost making the drive down to A.C. at 2 am was well worth all the hassle of this morning. Let's hope I'm not fired upon my return.

Now that you know how my day on the couch started off; here's my thoughts on Week 7.

Bro's
Willis McGahee - this is going be a sweet revenge game for Senor Willis
Kyle Boller/Derrick Mason - can anyone find the Bills defense? Maybe it already went to Toronto
Jeff Garcia/Joey Galloway/Ike Hilliard - Playing Detroit = QB/WR fantasy goodness guarantee
Byron Leftwich - a better QB than Harrington and gets to play a weak Saints pass D to ensure he's the right man for the job
Reggie Bush - consistent producer in PPR leagues, but when does he find the end zone; I'm going with this week
Lavarneus Coles/Jericho Cotchery - This game will at least allow Chad to be the QB until after their bye week; the Cinci D is helping to bring back the Bungles
Thomas Jones - Bungles don't stop the much either; another RB that I think find the end zone this week
Ocho Cino/T.J. Houshmanzadeh - It'll be funny to watch Barret/Dyson/Revis attempt to stop this duo
Carson Palmer - without a running game to rely on expect Carson to tear through the Jets secondary
Brian Westbrook - he'll prance and dance his way right through the piece of swiss cheese that has become the Bears defense
Fast Willie Parker - hopefully Najeh doesn't steal the TD's but the Steelers run and run often; they'll also be up a ton
Tony Romo and the entire Cowboys passing game - Dallas won't get it done on the ground and the Vikes give up the most passing yards in the league
Anyone wearing a Patriots uniform - they are playing the Phins... enough said [My prediction: 100-0]
Eli Manning/Plaxico Burress - Who knew they were tied with Manning/Harrison for most TD's between a duo over the past three years
Vernon Davis - this freak show is back and from what I hear, the Giants don't play well against TE's
Lendale White - consistently finds the end zone; will rely on more with Vince Young all gimpy
Larry Johnson - he's really got going the past few weeks and Oakland will make no difference
Sean Alexander - they'll be up big on the Rams and he needs to have a statement game to stop this Leonard Weaver chatter

Hoe's
Cedric Benson - here he is again; Bears are kicking themselves over letting TJ go
Brian Griese - don't throw him in there as a bye-week fill-in
Purple Jesus - B'oys will stack the box and force the Vikes to use Tavaris Jackson; plus he's still splitting carries with Taylor
Marshawn Lynch - not on the Ravens D in Baltimore
Lee Evans - really missed on this guy this year; not going to get going this week
Calvin Johnson - a slower comeback than most expect and plays an underrated Tampa D
Edgerrin James - All the Skins need to do is put 8 in the box against Rattay and a dying Arizona passing game
Tim Rattay - just look above; this guy shouldn't be starting in NFL games
Anquan Boldin - not the week to make your comeback
Travis Henry and the Denver Broncos - Pitt has the toughest D in the league
Santonio Holmes/Hines Ward - too much FWP as they grind out the game on the ground
Big Ben - see above and I've never really liked the kid
Julius Jones/Marion Barber - Minn stuffs the run and these guys cancel each other out too often
Brandon Jacobs and the Giants backfield entourage - Jacobs is dinged up and Ward/Druoghns do well enough filling in that nobody has much value
Ahman Green/Ron Dayne - Tenn plays big up front and will force Schaub to the air

Week 7 NFL

PICKS
Home Team in Bold

Baltimore -3 Buffalo
NY Jets +6 Cinci
Minnesota +9 1/2 Dallas
Tampa Bay +2 1/2 Detroit
New England -16 1/2 Miami
Atlanta +9 NO
NY Giants -9 SF
KC +2 1/2 Oakland
Philadelphia +5 Chicago
Pittsburgh +3 1/2 Denver
Seattle -9 St. Louis
Tennessee -1 1/2 Houston
Washington -8 1/2 Arizona
Jacksonville +3 Indy

Week 6 NFL Scorecard

First off, I need to comment on the Chris Chambers trade. As a lifelong Dolphins fan, I'm a huge proponent of the move. The Dolphins are cooked for this year and well into next year and getting a 2nd round draft pick for a guy who has been wildly inconsistent and has lacked the discipline and willpower to make himself better is great. When the year is done, they might as well do all they can to move Jason Taylor and if possible Zach Thomas to get any first-day draft picks and cut tons of money. That's about all that's of any value on the Phins sans Ronnie B. Further, let me announce to the world the official start of the Ted Ginn Jr. era in Miami and the kickoff of operation: Miami Tanking for #1 pick. Can't say it was the smartest pick but they did all I asked in avoiding Brady Quinn. He hasn't shown all that much although a 30 YPC average is quite impressive, albeit 3 receptions. Let's hope the kid pans out and all the critics can be silenced but I'm not holding my breath - we've had our fair share of disappointments. On another note, I'm still undecided whether it should be Andre Woodson, Tim Tebow, or Brian Brohm at #1 next year but I'm leaning toward Woodson.

Moving on, Week 6 was quite a recovery for me with the exception of the complete miss on the NE/Dallas game. So much for defense showing up. The Pats are just a machine and are playing football in its purest and most beautiful form.So here's the recap:

Couldn't have been more spot on with the Purple Jesus (Adrian Peterson), LDT, Tony Gonzalez, LJ, and Westbrook but it doesn't end there. I went out on a limb with Cleo Lemon and I think 4 TD's answers that question. I saw the Brees comeback on it's way and knew Engram could fill-in for Branch no questions asked. Not huge game for White, McGahee, Bush, or Wright but all had either a TD or 100 yards; can't complain about that kind of fantasy production. Even backed Greg Olsen and he pulled through. On the stay away half, you would have done fine to listen to me on Benson (obviously), Frerotte (like teh Ravens weren't gonna eat this guy up), Brian Leonard, and the top GB receivers as well as Matt Schaub, Tony Romo, Witten, Barber, and the mess of a running game in Oakland. Let's not forget the soon to be replaced Warrick Dunn.

Now that I'm done tooting my horn, I wasn't exactly perfect. Can't say Bobby Wade, Bryant Johnson, Colston, Northuctt, or Bowe did anything spectacular; heck, some barely bothered to show up. Missed the boat on Braylon Edwards, Steve Smith, and Houshy; although I'm sure none of you benched them on my advice (not even I did). Brady, Moss and the Patriots looked god-like, Norwood broke one big run to ruin my day, Thomas Jones found his gaps against the Eagles while Derek Anderson continued his breakout year ripping up the Dolphins formerly stellar secondary.

Overall, I ended the week 32-16-8 (the 8 pushes being due to borderline performance or unforeseen injury).
Pushes - Chambers, Vince Young, Warner, Ronald Curry, Nick Folk, Ocho Cinco, Jacobs, and Shockey.
I'll take 2 out of every 3 picks anytime for a nice 66% right on the week - much improved from the 50% of last week.

Also, went 7-4-2 against the spread; too bad I didn't lay down some bones.